Dating, man. It’s hard. How can a girl possibly sort through the mess and find a gem that will add to her happiness? Sometimes it seems impossible. Futile, even.
But, there’s hope.
Ladies, if you do it right, you’ll find those gems. You might not find a husband immediately, mind you, but if you go by these rules, you’ll get the good ones.
Do online the right way
Ugh, the internet. It’s both a blessing and a curse. How amazing is it to have thousands of guys at your fingertips on a single dating app? Seems awesome. But the bad part is that there’s no way to know for sure who you’re talking to. That dreamy-eyed doctor who loves to hike might actually be a dead-eyed, overweight dude in an armchair eating pickles straight from the jar. You just don’t know for sure until you meet. Be wise and follow these rules:
For starters, make sure you have true-to-life pictures of yourself. Don’t be a fraud and then get mad when others are liars in return. Start honest. Next, once you’re in a conversation, ask for a couple more pictures, and recent ones. They could still send you fake ones, but it’s more likely that they’ll send you a current one when they’re on the spot.
FaceTime or some other form of video chat is a great next step. Here’s when you’ll know for sure that the person on the other end of the dating profile looks like who they say. You’ll be able to hear their voice, see annoying facial ticks, get a basic vibe that you just can’t otherwise. It’s the next best thing to meeting in person.
In general, here are some rules for online dating:
- Don’t ever assume the person is who they say they are until you actually meet and get to know them.
- Don’t ever send out a nude or partially nude picture of yourself to someone you met online.
- If a guy you just met online sends you a nude or risque photo, cut it off immediately.
- If a guy talks about his genitals, glorifies drinking or other such behavior, or speaks in comparable ways, cut it off.
- If he requests a risque photo of any kind, cut it off, cut it off, cut it off. And don’t look back. Good guys simply do not do these things.
Once he’s on the hook
Alright, so you’ve met in person, established he’s a good guy, and you want to move forward. He seems to like you. You’ve been messaging for a couple days now. But, the work isn’t done.
Here’s some do’s and don’ts for early dating:
- Text him all day long every day unsolicited. It makes you look desperate. Instead, make it seem like you’ve got a life and things to do.
- Act like you don’t care. The phrase “Whoever cares the least has the most power” is a bunch of bull-ony. Some might believe it, but for those who actually want to find love in their lives, intentionally acting like you don’t care about someone that you do care about is counterproductive.
- Put all your eggs in one basket. Even when you find a connection, just remember that there’s a lot of men you can find connections with, and barely a fraction of them will actually turn into something long-term. Pursue it, but gently at first. Keep your options open until you really start something up with one.
- Keep some distance. Acting like you don’t care isn’t the way to go, but going all in the other way isn’t great, either. Think of it more as staying at an arm’s length distance away, dating-wise. Close enough to touch, yet not close enough to smother and get injured.
- Show you care, but this can be in smaller ways, so as not to smother (see rule above). Texting back in a timely manner, being polite and fun, giving a compliment, and setting aside time for a date are all ways you show you care about another person.
- Look in the right places. Are you searching for a high-quality guy in a scummy bar? Are you looking for long-term on Tinder? If so, you’ll be looking for quite a while. Go to the places where guys of your caliber are likely to be, whether online or in person. Odds are that there will be some unsavory ones there, as well, but the likelihood of finding the gems is much higher.
Whether you’re just now entering the dating scene or have been in it for a long time, you can always stop to re-evaluate your goals and what kind of guy you really want. Just know that if you do it right, you can find those gems. Mr. Right doesn’t have to be a dream, anymore. SEAM